Hi Karen, that was a very deep and meaningful post with tons of great value, thank you! I hope you find a much more pleasant walk. Things are always working in our favour :-)
It’s like reading about myself 😆 and what was I saying in our other comments about internal car crash after car crash ....all the years of people pleasing, replying “yeah I’m good thanks” and being a good girl erupting out into burnout, breakdown and illness 🙃 not the easiest way to learn such lessons. But then my former belief was that “life is hard”.
My biggest fear about difficult emotions (happened when my dad was dying and I was busiest myself cleaning his room -a room that was deep cleaned daily and cleaning not being my forte !!) was that I would “fall apart”
If I stopped. It took for my youngest brother to insist I take a break and tell me that it “ok to fall apart” if that’s what happened. My dad died and 3 months later I became completely disabled by illness and could no longer get out of bed to drag myself to work and hide the illness I’d had since I was 18.
1. I used to get told I was “too nice” on occasion at work. It’s only now I get what they mean! Our relationship suffered in the end because deeper and more difficult conversations that led to mutual understanding could not be held.
2. I can see only for the first time how Deeply triggered get by a certain person in my life is down to me being too nice and that person exploding her emotions, judgements and opinions all over me (on occasions). I get triggered because I suppress all mine and do as I’m told and she doesn’t !!! Light bulb moment - thank you💡
Hi Karen, it dawned on me that I have read part of this newsletter a few mornings back while lying in bed (seems to be the norm nowadays as I reuperate from my illness) and didn't get a chance to finish it. I'm so glad we connected on Notes so I get a chance to finish reading this beautiful piece. There are so many gems that I resonate with, such as:
"But what's also true is, I use my naturally caring and kind nature as a defensive protection mechanism, to ensure people treat me kindly too. But it's never a guarantee that they will." --> Ouch! I felt the pinch when I read this. What a painfully honest assessment of an unconscious motivation in us caring folks when we perform acts of kindness sometimes. I have since become aware of this tendancy and my expectations of other people's responses. It has helped regulate my recurrent feeling of disappointment that has nothing to do with other people's gratefulness to me.
"I was making my sense of self worth dependent on what they think of me, when the only person I can depend on in that respect is myself!" --> Exactly! We inadverdently give people the power and authority on our own self worth by being dependent this way.
"Difficult emotions need to be worked through until you reach a point of acceptance. They need to be acknowledged and expressed safely in order to be released. But when you have old unresolved emotions, that get triggered by new difficult situations, it can take time to unravel." --> Yes, so true, and not just time but the willingness and courage to step into these emotions and meet them face to face.
"Having the ability and capacity to see things as they are, rather than how you want them to be and allowing yourself to work through them, helps us to evolve and grow." --> Amen to that!
What is your biggest fear about feeling difficult emotions of hurt and anger?
Hi Karen, that was a very deep and meaningful post with tons of great value, thank you! I hope you find a much more pleasant walk. Things are always working in our favour :-)
It’s like reading about myself 😆 and what was I saying in our other comments about internal car crash after car crash ....all the years of people pleasing, replying “yeah I’m good thanks” and being a good girl erupting out into burnout, breakdown and illness 🙃 not the easiest way to learn such lessons. But then my former belief was that “life is hard”.
My biggest fear about difficult emotions (happened when my dad was dying and I was busiest myself cleaning his room -a room that was deep cleaned daily and cleaning not being my forte !!) was that I would “fall apart”
If I stopped. It took for my youngest brother to insist I take a break and tell me that it “ok to fall apart” if that’s what happened. My dad died and 3 months later I became completely disabled by illness and could no longer get out of bed to drag myself to work and hide the illness I’d had since I was 18.
This has been a healing read.
1. I used to get told I was “too nice” on occasion at work. It’s only now I get what they mean! Our relationship suffered in the end because deeper and more difficult conversations that led to mutual understanding could not be held.
2. I can see only for the first time how Deeply triggered get by a certain person in my life is down to me being too nice and that person exploding her emotions, judgements and opinions all over me (on occasions). I get triggered because I suppress all mine and do as I’m told and she doesn’t !!! Light bulb moment - thank you💡
Hi Karen, it dawned on me that I have read part of this newsletter a few mornings back while lying in bed (seems to be the norm nowadays as I reuperate from my illness) and didn't get a chance to finish it. I'm so glad we connected on Notes so I get a chance to finish reading this beautiful piece. There are so many gems that I resonate with, such as:
"But what's also true is, I use my naturally caring and kind nature as a defensive protection mechanism, to ensure people treat me kindly too. But it's never a guarantee that they will." --> Ouch! I felt the pinch when I read this. What a painfully honest assessment of an unconscious motivation in us caring folks when we perform acts of kindness sometimes. I have since become aware of this tendancy and my expectations of other people's responses. It has helped regulate my recurrent feeling of disappointment that has nothing to do with other people's gratefulness to me.
"I was making my sense of self worth dependent on what they think of me, when the only person I can depend on in that respect is myself!" --> Exactly! We inadverdently give people the power and authority on our own self worth by being dependent this way.
"Difficult emotions need to be worked through until you reach a point of acceptance. They need to be acknowledged and expressed safely in order to be released. But when you have old unresolved emotions, that get triggered by new difficult situations, it can take time to unravel." --> Yes, so true, and not just time but the willingness and courage to step into these emotions and meet them face to face.
"Having the ability and capacity to see things as they are, rather than how you want them to be and allowing yourself to work through them, helps us to evolve and grow." --> Amen to that!