Christmas Presents, Christmas Presence and How to Show Your Love? #61
How to choose the very best gifts for your loved ones.
Dear Lovely You,
it’s that time again where, if you haven’t already thought about it, you might be wondering what on earth to get for your loved ones this year.
How has another year passed so quickly!?
If you’re like me, you might be thinking that people have enough stuff already. Most of the people in my life already have what they need and want or the means to get it themselves. But making the effort to show people you care can give a warm glow for the receiver and the giver.
As a child, (or, in the good old days, as my son says) we tended to get what we needed more often than what we wanted. My dad remembers an orange and some walnuts in his stocking. We didn’t have stockings, but I do remember getting hot water bottles, pens, pencils, pencil cases and clothes. We always had a hand knitted jumper from my granny. What a luxury in a home that only had one fire in the living room and no other heating. Most of us take central heating for granted now. How did we get washing dry in the winter!?
I find shopping for things draining. Big shops in particular seem to suck the life out of me, so I try to keep to local market towns and fesitivals where arts, crafts and home-made foods are sold as much as possible.
One of my love languages, is Quality Time. I have three that are all quite close. Most people have one or two. Quality Time for me can mean being on my own or with others. Time in my room being creative, painting a picture, sewing, knitting or writing or flopping on the sofa gazing at the sky or absorbed in a good book. Or going for a meal, to the cinema or theatre, or a walk with others.
Learning about the Five Love Languages changed my relationships with the people closest to me and how I choose to show my love for them. I try to love them in the way that they receive love.
Some of my family certainly do enjoy Receiving Gifts and thankfully they are women who I find easier to buy for. Flowers, scarves, a house plant or something for the garden, scarves, gloves, books, hand made soaps or a magazine subscription work well.
I have discovered my mum loves surprises which might be a gift or a trip out. Quality Time, doing something together or just hanging out, can be as precious, so I took her to the theatre recently to see The Full Monty. After I booked it I wondered what I was thinking, taking my seventy-six year old mother to watch male strippers. She was excited. For me it was about the human story. It took a while to get into it as I hadn’t realised it was the American Version touring the UK. In my mind I had Sheffield accents and… umm (I hate to admit it) Billy Elliot all muddled up in my menopause brain. But we soon settled into the story enjoying ourselves. As it neared the climax, I really didn’t want to see a whole naked man and was relieved that they came up with an ingenious way to avoid the actual Full Monty at the end. What a blast!
It’s also easy to spend Quality Time together without having to spend money. Walks in nature are my favourite.
Another Love Language is Acts of Service. It’s where you do things for others without a need for payment or reciprication. My husband (who does this naturally every single day) and brother are both big Acts of Service givers when it comes to showing their love.
My brother recently repainted a room for us after some replastering and gifted his hours as our Christmas present. It’s something my husband and I much appreciated and it meant something to us that he gave his time in this way. We truly felt cared about. My brother felt satisfied that he had been able to give something within his gift without having to think of presents which does his head in.
It’s a bit trickier though the other way around. What do you do for someone whose Love Language is Acts of Service when you don’t have any services he would want and he doesn’t want any more tat?
Well food of course. Everyone eats, so I go to local delis, wholefood shops or food festivals and buy luxury items of food that I know he wouldn’t normally buy or see and it’s always a big hit with him and his wife.
Children are easier but even they have love languages. I don’t know the children in my extended family well enough to make this call though, so the teenagers get money (what teenager doesn’t want money?) and the little ones will have toys. As an addition I have been videoing myself reading children’s stories which my five year old niece seems to love.
My most loved Love Language is Physical Touch. I adored sitting on the sofa with my niece recently with my arm around her as she read ‘Not Now Bernard’ to me. It reminded my of being a child and a great aunty coming to babysit. We didn’t know her well and as a young woman she had been in service. After she had done my mum’s pile of ironing (Acts of Service) we cosied up on the sofa to watch TV and she put her arms around me and my brothers. It felt so good I didn’t want to move, much like when one of our cats curls up on my lap these days.
Physical Touch can be a difficult prezzy to buy for but vouchers for massage, reflexology and other body workers can often be purchased these days. And remember, of course, hugs, whether with people or pets are good for us and free!
And if you love to write and you have a loved one whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation why not buy some hand made paper and write them a heartfelt letter or poem? But most of all remember to tell them often the things you appreciate and love them for. That way they will feel more loved than if you had spent a stack of money on a gift they didn’t want or need.
However you’re choosing to approach Christmas this year, I hope you are finding ways of making it more of a pleasure than a chore.
You can find out your Love Language HERE and have fun with your loved ones. Knowing your own Love Languages, you can make it easier for each other to know how you’re each going to feel loved by the gifts you choose to share.
What is your Love Language and what would you most love to receive this Christmas?
With Love
from My True Self to Yours
xx Karen xx
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Lovely read as always.
I have no idea what my love languages are. Maybe a mixture of everything 😆
I’ve definitely been leaning more to experiences in the last 15-20 years. I’d much rather meet up with a friend than pass presents and not see them.
Your section on physical touch reminded me of father and son in the city of Newcastle upon Tyne several years ago, both were giving out hugs. I was really struggling mentally, physically and emotionally. I really needed a hug so I hugged them both!
I’ve had a few people pass me gifts recently. It’s been a real effort to open up to receiving them as I’ve been judging that they’ve “spent too much” or “shouldn’t have” if I know they are going through a tough time or don’t have a lot of money.
Me and my partner agreed not to buy gifts for Xmas and birthdays. We’re choosing to enjoy really quiet christmases. I’d much rather us do a monthly check in of our relationship and enjoy the experiences we’re choosing around the seasons than open presents.
I saw someone say that earning £100k didn’t make for a luxury lifestyle which I totally got what they were saying in that the money didn’t go as far with the cost of living crisis. But I’ve seen my way of life living in a static caravan without the worry of mortgage or rent as total luxury for 2 years now. I have running water and it gets hot. I don’t have central heating but I can heat my home. I can go into Lidl or Aldi and pretty much buy anything I want or need. I enjoy a lot of freedom. My health keeps improving. To me, this is luxury.
And when it comes to drying clothes without central heating, this is the bug bear! My washing machine is outside and it takes days to dry clothes in winter. It was the only downside but I’ve got used to it now.