A pain in the bum stopped me in my tracks. #53

When the body literally says no and the Universe moves in mysterious ways.

Dear Lovely You,

I couldn't write last week because I was unable to sit or stand. Even if I had been able to sit or stand it was taking all my energy to manage the acute searing pain in my left buttock and thigh as my muscles went into spasm.

My mind wanted to know why this was happening now. I was happy. I felt like we were in flow.

My husband and I had finally come to the decision at the same time that it is time for us to move house. To downsize and simplify. I had been waiting for fifteen years for my husband to catch up with me on this.

We had viewed a property the previous week. It ticked almost all of the boxes on our list. Smaller but big enough for family to visit and for my husband to still work. Low maintenance house AND garden. Workspace completely separate from our home. This is a non-negotiable for me having lived with people coming in and out of our home space for twenty-five years, never quite being able to relax and switch off. Always feeling like I might have to perform at any moment. And to top it all, the house was surrounded by wide open countryside and the ability to roam freely on walks straight from our door step. It seemed perfect.

I'd been looking consistently for a year and this was the very first property I had found that I thought might work and showed my husband.

When he said yes to viewing it I wondered if he had had a brain transplant as well as back surgery last year. How come he was suddenly ready to start clearing out the shed, tidying the garden and making trips to the recycling centre? Where had my husband gone? Where were all the excuses and arguments against moving? Where was the resistance?

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Moving in before moving in

I was excited but also remaining a little detached from it happening. We had a lot to do to get our place ready to go on the market. I felt compelled to start clearing the house. In my element I sorted one room in one day. But the day before our second visit to view the new home that, in my head, I had already moved into, allocated who was going to have which bedrooms, where I would place our furniture and what I would do with the garden the pain began. Slow down, it seemed to be saying. You still need to take care of yourself.

Doubts started to tumble into my fractious mind. Maybe this isn't the right property for you. Maybe you don’t have the energy or strength for a house move. Maybe it’s not the right location for Ashley to run his business from. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe….

But we could both see ourselves living there and it made me feel intensely happy thinking about it.

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When the Universe speaks, listen

We walked around each room imagining where our furniture would fit. We admired the wooden floors. We enjoyed the views from the upstairs windows towards hills and mountains. We walked through the garden that was bordered by a brook running rapidly around the perimeter but never flooded. My nervous system relaxed. We worked out how to make the annexe work for my husband to treat patients. And when we finally spoke to the neighbours who share the drive we found they were profoundly unhappy about our plans to work there and said it was written in their deeds that no-one could!

Bonk!

I felt a tear well up but I had half expected it. The woman wasn't exactly friendly either, perhaps feeling defensive. We don't want to upset anyone and we don't want bad feelings with the neighbours.

In our next home we're planning to live out our lives there, gradually slowing down into our autumn years in peace and tranquility.

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Gazing at the sky from my bedroom window.

Meditating and resting

Letting go, I laid up for a few days. I calmed down.

I felt sure and happy with our decision to walk away.

This time we're not settling. The Universe was slowing me down for a reason.

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Write a list and stick to it

I’ve made enough mistakes in my life not to want to make any more. Of course there are no guarantees but we can limit them by being ruthlessly honest about what we do and don’t want and not allowing ourselves to be swayed

Manifesting the things we want takes time and clarity. Getting clear about priorities and not kidding yourself is essential. Not pushing and trying to make something work that clearly doesn’t just because you’re afraid you’ll miss an opportunity. There will always be more opportunities.

Years ago, before I had even heard of Personal Development, I wrote a list for my dream partner and manifested my husband. There were nine things on that list and he ticked all nine boxes.

If you write a list it gives you something to refer back to when you start to wobble.

Make a list of all the essentials you want to have.

What’s non-negotiable for you?

Prioritise them with the most essential at the top.

If you like, add a few things that would be the icing on the cake but not necessaily essential.

Want what you want with all your heart AND complete detachment from having it.

If it’s not right something better will come along. Be patient and listen to the whispers, nudges and bonks on the head that are warning signs that something is not quite right.

Building trust in your own decision making, discernent and intuition is a skill you can hone and one well worth developing as you learn to manifest your dream home, job, relationship or anything else you choose.

With Love
from My True Self to Yours
Karen xx

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