Who do you lean on when there's no one to lean on? #56
And healing in the midst of a crisis.
Dear Lovely You,
I walked into my brother's house and it was very quiet for a house with four children. Stepping into the living room I see my nephew and niece cwtched up side by side on the sofa, devices on their laps, but when they see me their faces light up. Devices go down. It's time to connect.
I spent a whole morning listening to them, watching them, immersing myself in their playful, innocent energy. What a relief and joy after weeks of stress.
For the first time, my five year old neice takes my hand of her own accord, to lead me around the garden. She shows me flowers her mum has planted, veg they have all planted and how she can climb the pear tree. I am enchanted and I don't want to leave. I want to stay in this innocent, playful energy and forget about what's going on in my life.
No matter how many mountains I have to climb in this lifetime I will keep going
I was writing to you weekly for over a year. I was really enjoying it. Writing has become my job. But I would be a hypocrit to keep pushing myself with everything we have on our plate right now. I can't write about it yet, but when I do there's going to be so much richness in the learnings and realisations to come.
I am still passionate about writing and sharing all I know. But for now I am having to apply and embody all I know for myself with the ferocity of a mother bear protecting her cub.
I have to be practical and realistic about my capacity. I have to prioritise where I put my time and energy for myself and for my family.
I am having to lean on my closest friends even though they also have a lot on their plates. I am having to take care of myself and I have finally surrendered to embracing that side of myself fully.
The self-ish, self-caring, self-compassionate, patient me that’s present to my own needs as much as anyone else’s.
Ahh… Long breath out…..
Using my Resources
I am taking many long walks, often at dawn and I have been running. Yes! Running!
Getting back to sleep when I wake at night is mostly impossible. Remembering what life has brought me swirls uninvited in my mind.
My way of dealing with a crisis is to take my imagination to the worst case scenario. Then I can work out how I can deal with it practically and realistically. What's in my control and what's not. Knowing how I can deal with the worst case scenario shows me that I can cope. I have strategies, resources and common sense approach to dealing with it. And if I can deal with the worst case scenario, I can deal with anything less.
Who do you lean on for support when there's no-one to lean on?
Being a caring person I am naturally attracted to other caring types.
Probably, like you, most of my life I have been the one that people have turned to for support and I have been happy to give it.
In recent years I have learned to be brave and allow others to support me too but I have still found it hard to actually ask for it. (I squirm a little even thinking about it).
And when the very people I trust are also dealing with their own stuff it's doubly hard.
And yet, when I found the courage to reach out, I found we can still support each other. It's a two way process. More equal. More fair. Very productive. Each seeing each other's blind spots and reminding each other of our strengths and resources.
Not having to fix anything but just knowing there is someone who will listen.
How do you process difficult times?
I process challenging experiences (well all things really) by speaking out loud. As I hear myself I can decipher what's truth, what's helpful, what needs more time to process, gaps in my understanding and the questions I need to ask.
I can hear my Inner Child, sense her fear and more easily access a a part of myself that can connect with and soothe her.
I am being gentle, kind and most of all patient with myself and I feel strong for it.
Healing at last in spite of the chaos
It's been a productive and healing time too. I discovered something called Energy Enhancement Systems. Basically you relax in a room with computers that produce something called scalar energy.
Scalar energy is energy that is four times faster then the speed of light and creates an environment in which the body - down to a cellular and even DNA level- can heal itself.
It's complicated. It's physics which is not my forte. It sounds too good to be true and many will poo poo it but when you’ve lived with chronic health issues for years almost anything is worth trying.
You can get the simplified version of the science of scalar energy and Energy Enhancement System HERE. And no I am not an affiliate.
The important thing is that after almost nineteen years of living with, managing and trying all sorts of things to overcome chronic health issues I seem to be healing and I am thrilled.
And healing in the midst of a crisis, how can that be?
In the last few weeks I have more than doubled the number of foods I can eat from six to fourteen! Eating foods that I haven't been able to eat for years feels like heaven. Yum!
I have more energy and physical, mental and emotional strength and resilience.
I have spent hours decluttering the house and had the energy and strength for renovating the garden. I have taken car loads of recycling to the charity shop and recycling centre. I have vacuumed the house at six in the morning and thrown out bags full of old admin.
I am much more present, appreciating all the little things in life and being much more assertive.
I am feeling the feeling of love again and being more connected to my loved ones.
There's a lot happening but I feel strong enough to deal with it.
If you would like to find a centre near you or find out more, follow this link to Unifyd Healing.
Nervous System Health
The fight/flight energy is being put to good use and I have learned that I seem to have overcome a lifelong habit of suppressing and shutting down my emotions that has contributed to my health issues.
It does mean that I now feel a LOT more stuff including the icky stuff but that’s a (now) small price to pay for feeling, feeling, feeling and being in flow…
YES!
We mostly don't have any control over what happens in our lives but our nervous systems like to have the illusion that we do. When shit happens it triggers all the old unresolved wounds of our Inner Child and can make us defensive or shut down.
I have finally learned not to shut down. Hurray! All the hard work, inner work, processing are finally paying off.
And as uncomfortable as it is, at the moment, to feel all the unpleasant feels it is also liberating.
I no longer fear the fear. I am human. I have emotions. That's what makes me human. And I will get through this by being pragmatic, practical, realistic and allowing myself the grace to be vulnerable and be supported.
In essence by being my True Self.
I cannot control what life throws at me but I can be discerning in my response to it.
And like my neice, be present to the moment.
Georgia, my neice I mentioned at the start of this letter, told me she’s a big girl now but next birthday she’s going to be six. I said, enjoy being five first. 😘
With Love
from My True Self to Yours
Karen xx
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Feeling? Yes. I am no longer shutting down but feeling everything no matter how hard. I have known for a long time that shutting down, suppressing emotions, repressing my True Self is unhealthy. But it is oh so hard to change these ingrained habits when it feels like they're keeping us safe. ☺️ I am still doing emotion, Belief and body code too. And somatic healing and somatic practice which I forget about but seems to have become embodied. Of course there are times when I become overwhelmed too. I am human. 😅
'Knowing how I can deal with the worst case scenario shows me that I can cope.'
This seems like a good, practical approach to deal with whatever hardships or crises we encounter in life, Karen.
It sort of primes our minds and makes us realize that we're actually capable of dealing with such things.