The three most powerful words I've learned to embrace this year. 🕊

The gift I would buy you if I could...

Photo by YoonJae Baik on Unsplash

Dear Lovely You 🥰

This year, I’ve spent more hours in hospital waiting rooms, phoning secretaries, nurses and imaging departments than I care to count.

And I’m still here! 😆

The year began with me feeling robust, strong and determined to do the best I could for my loved ones.

They have been brave and stoic in spite of the cancer treatments wrecking their health, slowing them down and stripping them of their previously vibrant identity. Fatigue is a constant reminder that, although the treatment (we are told) is working, there’s a price to pay. It’s taken it’s toll on us all. Those going through it making difficult decisions. Those of us supporting and watching the demise of our dear ones. It’s hard for us all.

By the summer my body was telling me in no uncertain terms that the added stress was getting too much. I stepped back and stopped pushing. I was making myself ill and I can’t afford to be ill! This meant letting go of making results come faster, pushing my loved one to get more help than they were willing to expose themselves to and writing up a detailed list of progress before every appointment in case we forgot something!

It also meant delegating where I could, talking openly about how I was feeling and confiding in trusted friends and family. I let myself cry and I let myself be witnessed and held.

Sometimes there are challenging life circumstances that need to be dealt with. And we can choose how to deal with them. The problem is it triggers the fight/flight nervous system in our bodies and the associated old habits of survival.

Bringing awareness to this fact can help to re-empower us again, to soothe our frightened Egos and make better, healthier choices.

The most powerful three words I learned this year

When we found an important diagnosis (causing significant symptoms not associated with the cancer or its treatment) had been missed since June 2024 though, I was furious! I followed it up quickly with assertiveness and then, just as quickly, let it go.

Still my body didn’t feel right. Fatigue had kicked in big time, my chest felt like it was being stood on and my head squeezed and both were being filled with black treacle. My mind struggled to think, make decisions or recall words or remember what I was about to do next!

I paused. I stopped. I observed. I wondered about my blood pressure. Really low! This has happened before. What can I do? I researched. I increased salt, reintroduced black tea and liquorice tea and booked an appointment with my doctor just to be on the safe side.

I realised it must be stress related. Again! But there’s no way of escaping the situation so I need to adjust my perceptions of the situation if I am to reduce my stress levels and the consequences of living in a stressed body.

At first it seemed impossible to be able to change anything in my life. But much of the stress, I knew, was my mind whirling and constantly being on alert. It was fear of the what the future holds.

And none of these current circumstances is in my control.

I don’t know what’s going to happen.

I don’t know.

I don’t know if they’ll live or die or recover from the treatment.

I don’t even know if I will live or die over the next year, month, week, day...

But I do know I feel better when I am truly living rather than dwelling on all the uncertainty (or rather my imagined scenarios) about what’s going to play out.

I simply don’t know.

People make miraculous recoveries and that’s just as possible as not making a recovery.

But how much more can I take?

I don’t know.

The magical three words,

I don’t know,

has become my mantra.

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If I could buy you all a gift this year it would be this book by Nicola Jane Hobbs: The Relaxed Woman: Reclaim Rest and Live a Relaxed Joy-Filled Life

In it, Nicola blends much of the knowledge, skills and techniques I have learned over my coaching career into easy to digest chapters. Bringing insights, questions and tools into our awareness gently and kindly she instills relaxation. I am listening to the audio version and find her voice soothing.

“Growing up, I never knew a relaxed woman. Successful women? Yes. Productive women? Plenty. Anxious and afraid and apologetic women? Heaps of them. But relaxed women? At-ease women? Women who don't dissect their days into half hour slots of productivity? Women who prioritize rest and pleasure and play? Women who aren't afraid to take up space in the world? Women who give themselves unconditional permission to relax? Without guilt? Without apology? Without feeling like they need to earn it? I'm not sure I've ever met a woman like that. But I would like to become one.”
Nicola Jane Hobbs

I don’t know

The gift of, ‘I don’t know,’ is PEACE.

Stopping the relentless imaginings of many negative outcomes brings me to, I don’t know.

And that’s the truth. I don’t know what’s going to happen!

Knowing I don’t know, releases me from the anxiety of what’s going to happen and the guilt and shame of what’s gone before.

It stops my past from informing my future and drops me into the here and now. A space of ‘ahh…’

My head feels more spacious and free.

I can ignore it and keep worrying and pushing through or I can pause here and discover a new way of being.

I ask myself, what’s possible in this moment? Who can I be right here and now? What would it be like if I love more and Be more accepting and compassionate to myself and others?

Let go of ‘how’ and BE.

As I think about this, I feel myself relax a little, a soft smile from my lips which reaches my eyes. I see my loved ones as they really are. As we really are. A bunch of humans muddling through life the best we can moment by moment.

Life is good in the moment. It doesn’t demand anything from me other than to be my True Self. Imperfect. Human. And the Essence of my Being, sitting here in this particular body here and now. And I love it all.

As I come full circle, I notice how, ealier in the year, sat in the hospital Emergency room, I wanted to contract. I didn’t want to be there. It felt unhealthy. I felt like a failure. I was angry and frustrated by the system that kept poorly people waiting for hours on end to find out if their symptoms were worthy of emergency treatment or a false alarm. The hours of waiting, taking their toll, and making us all feel even worse. I didn’t speak to anyone but gradually began to lose the will to live.

This week back in the Emergency department, I still didn’t want to be there and I still think it’s one of the most unhealthy places on the planet in all ways, but I changed my perspective.

I cheekily asked a nurse pushing a wheelchair if she needed L plates. She giggled and told me it was a bit late for that and it lightened the atmosphere a little.

I struck up conversations with people around me. I learned about why they were there and what they were going though.

I met a woman in similar circumstances to me and we felt a true connection. We had a bit of a moan and we had a bit of a laugh.

We talked about the state of the health service in the UK. I learned from one of the nurses that the reason people get stuck in the Emergency room so long is a lack of beds so there’s no flow through. Ah yes, the wonderful private finance initiative where our town got its new hospital but at the cost of losing over 200 beds. The finance initiative, after all, has share holders to keep happy. Grrr….

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A change in perception

I felt better. Lighter. More expansive.

I was enjoying the company of my fellow compatriots. I watched people give up waiting and go home having been told they were going against medical advice. I have also done that.

I heard people saying, ‘never again!’ as they escaped.

I watched people asking for food as they hadn’t eaten for many hours and were afraid of losing their place in the queue. I offered one some of my cashew nuts. I always go prepared for long waits.

I felt compassion for the doctors and nurses stuck in a toxic, unrelenting and inflexible system.

I just wanted to help people (including myself) feel better.

I left the hospital having been told I had not had a heart attack this time but I should return if I had chest pain again or any of the other symptoms of a heart attack.

F*** that! I won’t be rushing back unless I’m really desperate! 🤣

Relieved I got home after midnight, made a hot water bottle and slept.

There’s nothing wrong. All the tests were negative.

Relax.

Stop obsessing.

Let it be.

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Whatever you have going on in your life, there is often a lighter way of experiencing it. It’s not easy and takes awareness and practice but it is worth it and brings more calm, lightness and acceptance to yourself and those around you.

we will have a house full with the kids and their girlfriend, boyfriend coming and going.

Whatever you have planned this holiday I am wishing you (inner) peace, fun and relaxation.

A problem shared is a problem halved.
Life isn’t always easy but a change in perspective can make all the difference to reducing stress, lightening the load and creating more comfort and ease.

Share your truth in the private chat.
It’s a safe space to find community and for us to support each other.

With Love

from my True Self to Yours

xx Karen xx

PS. Private chat here:

https://www.thekarenrobinson.uk/chat

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