Naked aerobics in my bathroom and other things I am committed to.
***If you prefer to listen, the link is at the top of the page.
Hello Lovely You,
I’m 59 today. How did that happen?!
No party but I’m celebrating in my own heart.
This morning I found myself doing naked aerobics in my bathroom!
I love to listen to music while I shower. Usually a happy playlist. Unexpectedly a Fleetwood Mac track started playing (I’m pretty sure it was Tango in the Night) and it sent me back in time. I had to move my body.
Do you remember the days of leotards? Back in the 1980s I thought I looked like the main character from Flashdance. I looked at myself having fun in the mirror. What a shock to see the woman looking back and how she’s changed. Still, it was a lot fun.
The Third Act
Having spent my entire life caring, parenting and putting the needs of others first, I have decided to dedicate the last third to play. To be free, in flow and have a lot of fun.
For much of my life I was checking out.
Forgetting who I am. Forgetting what my desires are. Forgetting I even have any needs.
We all know we’re going to die one day and we put off truly living until… hmm… until we have time. Until the kids grow up. Until we have more money. Until the morgage is paid off. Until we’re retired. Until all the practical things of life are sorted (psst, they never are).
Or UNTIL PEOPLE DON’T NEED ME SO MUCH!
In fact, until we find the courage, awareness, have an epiphany, hit a crisis point or feel like time is running out, we may not make any changes to the way we live. Leaving our futures up to fate. Thinking we have no choice until one day we wake up and realise what life is for.
All the while life is passing us by. We watch others doing the stuff we used to want to do. We feel jealous, if not envious, of people achieving the dreams we had.
NOW PAUSE!!!!
Do you notice when you get those feelings that are signals of dissatisfaction or a life not truly being lived from the heart?
It can be quite obvious. I wish I could do that. I wish I had that talent or the courage to make a change or take a risk, but fear of failure (or success) keep you paralysed.
Those feelings of discontent can also be quite subtle. An unkind thought. It’s alright for them, they have money, support, connections…
Or they can come in the form of what sounds on the surface like logical reasons. It’s too late. I never had the opportunities. My parents didn’t support me. We were too poor, uneducated or lacked confidence.
Or if onlys. If only that hadn’t happened. If only I had been encouraged, taken seriously, read more, been as intelligent, athletic, confident, attractive, organised, disciplined as my sister, brother, dad, mum, uncle, auntie, friend, teacher… You get my drift.
Or we had too many responsibilities too soon. Yes I chose to get married at nineteen and start a family straight away. In my thirties, I then unexpectedly did a second round in my second marriage and felt shackled to motherhood. But I chose those things and it’s up to me to embrace the reality of my life AND find ways to enhance it by being truthful with myself about how I really want to live and express my life now.
Did you feel you had to put your dreams on the back-burner?
Every single thing I have been through has brought me to who and where I am now. All the bad decisions and good decisions. How I handled trauma and crisis. Family relationships. Grief. Car crashes. Children struggling. Different work environments. Illness, pain and fatigue.
Birthday celebration or life celebration?
Today I won’t get a card or present from my husband. We stopped doing that years ago. Forcing ourselves to try to guess what the other might like for the sake of it seemed like a burden rather than a pleasure. Seeing the disappointment in a loved one’s face when you have spent money, time and energy on something they don’t like or want is too disappointing. Instead, buy your own present.
I bought myself a heavy duty apron for when I start art college in the autumn. Something I want, will need and love!
And every day is a celebration of love here. Love, to us, is not about gifts but about Presence. Being present with each other. Being loving, appreciative and respectful and attentive and aware of each others needs.
My Soul will have her way
Karen Mark 1 forgot who she was. She was surviving but not thriving. She looked for solutions outside herself and ignored her needs and desires. She was exhausted, frustrated and deep down resentful.
Creating the Last Act, with all the wisdom, pain, laughter, shortcomings and a bit of luck is a masterpiece in the making.
What are you truly committed to for yourself?
I am committed to living from my Essence, from my playful Being.
Naked aerobics in my bathroom although I will not be sharing any pictures of that.
I am committed to more reading, resting and art.
I am committed to making sure my needs are met before anyone else’s. I’m definitely a work in progress.
I am committed to a lot more belly laughs which will entail spending more time with girlfriends.
I am committed to loving my family.
But most of all, I am committed to creating my life from a place of fun, freedom and love.
Being in flow and connected to my Soul is essential and non-negotiable.
I would love to hear what you are committed to in your life.
You see, when you abandon yourself (which many of us unconsciously did as children to protect ourselves) self neglect becomes a habit. And you have to practice over and over again. Recommit over and over again. Until it becomes part of who you are to hold yourself, your very Soul, in reverence.
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With Love
xx Karen xx
PS. Can you help me out with a new name for these love letters?
For the last three years these pages have been called, Honouring Your True Self and I realise it’s a bit vague in terms of who it’s for and what it does.
My target audience are caring people ready to make a change in their lives but uncertain (scared, terrified, unclear, confused, frustrated) about what or how. Carers, nurses, doctors, practitioners, parents, empty-nesters, empty-nesters to be, caring types people pleasers etc
I am helping these types of folk to feel free to make the shift from Carers to Creators of a fully expressed, satisfying, nourishing, vibrant, fun filled life. A life where they have space to Be. To Rest AND to Play.
PPS. If you want to connect or have a conversation about anything I write here…
If it sparks something in you that you want to express…
If you have any questions…
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