Honouring Your True Self can be as Frustrating AF! #45
Are you running on less than 100%?
Dear Lovely You,
I have over done it! Again!
I still sometimes don’t have an accurate gauge of what is enough and what is too much for me.
It was a great week. I went and chose some new specs so I will finally be able to see well enough to do a bit of sewing again. I spent a lovely afternoon with a friend. I did all the usual ordering and collecting of food for my family and cooking the meals I was on the rota for.
I walked lots and had a luscious massage. I found some hypnosis online for anxiety last weekend and the anxiety reduced by 90%. Yesterday I attended a yoga workshop I had been looking forward to as it was to include voice yoga (which I haven’t done before) and spent the day with a bunch of lovely women.
Then today I crashed.
I wasn’t going to bother saying anything to you but it’s important to me to be real and share the ups and the downs because shedding the layers of conditioning that have kept me in a loop of over giving (and over doing) takes time as well as a committment to keep getting back on the path.
Learning what capacity you have after decades of over giving
This week wasn’t about over giving. This week was about not having a realistic measure of how much capacity I have.
It’s easy to get carried away when you start to feel a bit better. It’s exciting and intoxicating. It’s tempting to keep going and fit eveything in.
Go go go! Before the energy runs out and flattens you again.
And when you do crash and burn it’s disappointing and can be frustrating and send you spiralling into the self pity pit and on a downward trajectory to despair, pointlessness and feeling helpless.
Updating Your Internal Computer
Instead I tend to just go to bed these days. Switch off from screens. Maybe read a book. Rest.
I used to beat myself up. Telling myself what an idiot I was. I would NEVER do that to a friend. Would you do that to a friend? And yet we do it to ourselves.
Resting is the simplest way to recalibrate where I am at and it’s equally important to remember how far I have come.
How much energy do you really have?
During the winter months I am currently running on about 50% of my total capacity energywise. Sometimes less.
During the summer it might be as much as 70%. Woo hoo!
But it hasn’t been 100% for about two decades.
It’s important then to keep something in the tank.
And to make careful decisions about where that energy is spent.
If you have less than 100% of your energy available and you give that away helping or rescuing others who could be helping themselves, that leaves you with 0%!
And it’s really important to keep working towards getting your energy levels back to 100% and beyond.
With all the expectations and pressure to live our modern lives, keep a roof over our heads, bills paid, food on the table, it’s not like most of us can go and take a six month holiday (which is seriously what I think I need as a minimum).
This means we have to keep making small incremental gains and prioritise our own wellbeing first wherever we can.
Your logical mind will give you all sorts of reasons why that is not possible but when you actually evaluate whether or not these seemingly logical reasons are true, you may well find that they are excuses or simply reasons fuelled by fear of change and upsetting the status quo. Either way, if you are running on less than 100% capacity over a period of time and you can’t stop doing that I would urge you to seek help.
How do you want to feel?
I mentioned this before but let’s break it down a bit.
I know I have to focus on my health and getting well. It’s what I want above all else.
To feel vibrant, alive and in flow. I want to be able to move my body. Dance. Go to the sea. Hike for six miles on a regular basis. I want to build up some muscle and feel strong. I want energy to do all the things I love rather than just the things that need doing.
I know that obsessing over my health is just as detrimental as ignoring it though.
I chose RELAXED RADIANCE as an anchor to help to motivate me to continue to find ways to heal my body. I wrote it in blue marker pen on a big sheet of paper and stuck it to my bedroom wall so I see it every night before I go to bed. That way my subconscious mind can work on it as I sleep.
As you consider what your actual capacity is and how you’re spending your precious energy, I encourage you to think of ways you can build on the capacity you have and go gentler on yourself as you go through your busy life.
from my True Self to Yours
PS. Let me know in the comments how you really want to feel.
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