Gratitude & Grit #37
The White Room - A Guided Meditation. And six things over caring, over giving people pleasers need to say more often.
These Love letters are for over-caring, over-giving, people pleasers who are worn out and need to put some zest back into their lives.
Weekly tips, hints and guidance so you can become more of your True Self and let go of the shoulds, have tos and musts that keep you stuck and start taking some actions towards more freedom, fun and flow.
“What we call the personality is often a jumble of genuine traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all but the loss of it.”
Dr Gabor Mate
Dear Lovely You!
Gratitude
I finally got around to recording The White Room Guided Meditation and it is in the Voiceover above. This is my free Thank You Gift to you.
I almost didn’t send it as my perfectionist critic keeps getting in the way. Ha ha…
Anyway, quick, grab it before I change my mind!
In future I’ll be adding it to the Welcome Email when people subscribe. So if you like it, be sure to let your friends and family know so they can get it too.
Grit
Us over caring, over giving, people pleaser type folk are often exhausted from looking after everyone else or putting everone else’s needs before our own.
It may not have even occurred to you to say no when your were younger and had oddles of energy. As the years creep by though and you start to feel more run down and perhaps have a few unwelcome symptoms to deal with and there’s a building resentment, you know that things need to change.
But you just don’t know what or how.
The thing is, no-one is going to tell you to stop (except me or maybe your best friend).
No-one is going to help you.
No-one is going to give up their good life that you are providing them with.
An ex-boyfriend once said to me, ‘why would I do it myself, if someone else will do it for me?’ I thought, he has a point. It still took me some years before I tried to change things.
As much as your loved ones love you, they are not inside your head and body experiencing what you’re experiencing.
They don’t know you’re struggling unless you say.
They don’t know you’re angry or resentful unless you say.
They don’t know that you need help, unless you ask.
They don’t know you’re at the end of your tether, pushing through and feeling angry and resentful.
You see, they’re not mind-readers.
What stops you being honest?
Fear tells you, people won’t like, love or keep you, if you don’t keep doing all the things you’ve always done for them.
It tells you you’ll be abandoned if you do.
Fear stops you in your tracks from asking for what you want and need.
It gets muddled up with your ego which is there trying to keep you from changing.
It doesn’t feel safe to change. Better to keep going and pushing through, it tells you.
It tells you, you’re being selfish.
It tells you, you’re being unreasonable.
It tells you, you should be able to carry on and do all the things you have always done.
It tells you, you need to be needed.
It’s telling you, everyone else’s needs are more important than yours.
It tells you, people expect you to continue to be reliable, dependable, thoughtful and busy, as well as caring and kind.
But you end up going through the motions of being reliable, thoughtful, caring and kind without actually FEELING CARING OR KIND, which is unsustainable as well as exhausting.
And, if your loved ones truly love you, they want you to be healthy, happy and vibrant too.
Six things over caring, over giving people pleasers need to say more...
I can't…
I won't be doing [……………………….} any more.
I don't want to…
I am going to…
I need to..
I want to....
How do you feel when you think about saying these things to your loved ones?
Meet me in the comments…
It is Your Job to Inform Your Loved Ones
In order to have enough time and space for ourselves to rest, recharge and play (like other people do) we need to inform our loved ones of the new guidelines.
Although I am not a fan of needing to give reasons, a little explanation may be needed to begin with, to help your loved ones understand what the heck is going on and encourage thoughtful responses.
For example, I can’t do this any more I’m too tired, too exhausted, in pain, feeling emotional, need time on my own, I’ve worn myself out and need to take a break, I’m feeling over-loaded and need to prioritise etc.
You don’t need a reason to stop. I don’t want to, is good enough reason
You don’t have to wait until you’re exhausted and falling apart.
The bottom line is you deserve to be happy too.
You deserve to have time to rest.
You deserve to be healthy.
You deserve to have the time and energy to do things you enjoy, have leisure and social time.
You deserve the freedom to choose what you do, how you live your life, how you spend these precious years on planet earth.
Caring people have just as much right to do the things they want to do and have the energy to do those things as anyone else.
With Love
From My True Self to Yours
Karen xx
PS. Remember to meet me in the comments
Six things over caring, over giving people pleasers need to say more...
I can't…
I won't be doing [……………………….} any more.
I don't want to…
I am going to…
I need to..
I want to....
How do you feel when you think about saying these things to your loved ones?
Be gentle with yourself and know that this is a safe container for us to share and support each other to find ways to be Empowered AND Caring.
To give from Abundance not an empty cup.
Six things over caring, over giving people pleasers need to say more...
I can't…
I won't be doing [……………………….} any more.
I don't want to…
I am going to…
I need to..
I want to....
How do you feel when you think about saying these things to your loved ones?