#4 Dear Steve
Steve was my best friend and losing him is the the most painful experience I have ever gone through in my life.
It has been my intention for some years to write a book as a series of letters to him of all the things I have wanted to talk to him about. All the things I want to ask. All the family experiences he’s missed. I think it will tell a story, a sort of memoir of our lives together, but also show people how to come through grief and live again.
From somewhere in the ether
Any time in space
Dear ))) Sis, (((
I love you.
Of course I care.
How could you doubt that?
You went through a lot.
You know anger is a natural part of grieving.
Don't hold onto it.
I watch you. I listen.
I was always better at expressing myself than you. Remember?
I know about emotions. Energy in Motion.
I was always waiting for the rest of you to catch up.
In the end you didn't need me.
You have yourself.
You've learned to trust yourself.
You're more honest now. More authentic. More raw. How does it feel?
Your strength is your Vulnerability.
You know that now.
And your children learn from you. They learn from you being yourself. They learn how to deal with difficult emotions from you.
That’s important because they are going to have their own losses to deal with.
That's why they're still around. They're still learning. Don't push them away. They're nearly ready.
We had and have kind of contracts if you want to call it that. Agreements that we made to grow and evolve. But we can change them.
You ask what's the point in life just to die?
Without contrast we would not have a clue how different things feel.
The joy of birth and new life.
The death of a beloved.
Death makes life feel more precious. It wakes us up from taking it for granted. It can help us to remember what’s important.
Birth shows us the miracle of life in all its glory.
And what’s important is unique to each individual. What lights you up might be another person’s worst nightmare.
Everything would be beige without contrast. We come here to experience what it means to be human, not to feel neutral.
But to feel it all. We have a fascination with it. The drama.
Remember the card I gave you?
That's because I was in awe of you and how you were coping with Luke's death.
When you said you were okay, I believed you. I wanted to believe you. I needed to so I could be okay. So I could get on with my life. I must have known on some level it wasn’t the truth.
And I wanted you to be okay because I didn't know how to help you. That's the problem with being so capable, no-one knows how to help capable people, we just end up feeling useless.
You need to let people help you more. You need to ask.
What could I have done for you that would have helped? I would love to know.
My brave brave sister.
))) Stephen (((
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