#10 Dear Steve
Steve was my best friend and losing him is the the most painful experience I have ever gone through in my life.
It has been my intention for some years to write a book as a series of letters to him of all the things I have wanted to talk to him about. All the things I want to ask. All the family experiences he’s missed. I think it will tell a story, a sort of memoir of our lives together, but also show people how to come through grief and live again.
From somewhere in the ether
Any time in space
Dear ))) Sis, (((
you can write to Luke too you know.
Luke is fine. He's safe. He knew what he was doing. What he was there for.
And what is that you ask?
He was your eyes. Deep soulful pools. He was your love. Is your love still. He was your extremes.
He was your mirror. He was showing you your unhappiness. Your frustration and trying to ground you in those times to bring you back. That was his job. He did that in life and he did that in death. And though it took a while and another death, another pact, it brought you to this place of awareness and back to spirit. That is your destiny now. That is everyone’s destiny.
We know it hurts still. We know you would rather have him back with all the angst and worry that he brought into your life but you don't need to worry now. Luke is at peace now. He doesn't need your help. That time has past. It's past. It's never too late to forgive yourself.
Because there's nothing to forgive. He knew what he was doing on a soul level. What we came for. You had come together again. You had apologised and taken responsibility. You had seen him looking so much better. You had accepted him and he always loved you. That never stopped.
You need to let him back in. Let him be a part of your life as you have with me. That's all. Instead of feeling guilt when you look at his photos remember love. Remember how you loved him. Remember the good times.
Always remember he loved you.
You couldn't have made different decisions because you didn't really think you deserved it. You thought you could fix it. Wanted to fix it. One of your life lessons is to stop trying to help people who can't be helped even if they are your mother, father, partner, friend, person on the street, nieghbour (I know you have wanted to help the whole world) and yes your son.
The only person you can really help is yourself as you know. And occasionally others might be inspired to do the same. But it's not your fault if they don't.
It's not your responsibility and even if Luke was a child, you are not responsible for his perceptions. And perceptions are what make our lives great or not.
Perceptions are what make or break us. You know this.
You need to check every time you struggle, are your perceptions correct?
))) Stephen (((